the arcHIVe project

Oakland woman with HIV combats stigma, helps others

Came across a great article today and thought I would share (it's been a while - getting back at it)!  There are so many people out there just living life the best way they know how and unwittingly become a hero to me.  I love to hear about courageous women like this!

Oakland woman with HIV combats stigma, helps others

School rejects applicant because of his HIV status

20 years later: Magic Johnson

Lisa and Maria, Living in a sero-discordant relationship: Part 3

Lisa and Maria’s relationship was not one that developed quickly.  An online friendship developed long before the two women started dating.  A mutual attraction and interest developed but it was some time before they were able to take their feelings and their bond to another level.

It was somewhere in between infatuation and intimacy that Maria decided to disclose her HIV status.   

It happened one day during an online conversation.  Maria had struggled with the fear of disclosing but knew it was necessary. 

“She took forever to say it because… she didn’t want to say it but when she did, I didn’t even pause.  It was ok.  I told her, “I still love you,” and we moved forward.  We haven’t looked back.”

Though this has been the strongest and most fulfilling relationship Lisa has been in, it still comes with its differences, its struggles and unique experiences.

They still had to “meet the family,” adjust to living together and learn how to grow together.

“The fact that she has (HIV) is not something that hinders our relationship.  Do I learn from it?  Every day I learn from it because I was not aware… of what people with HIV go through.  We are very careful with what we do, she educates me on everything.  I’ve learned a lot of things I didn’t know before, maybe I would have never known before.” 

HIV is a part of their lives but they let their love guide their relationship, not the virus, and in speaking to them both their love for each other is evident.

“I am so proud of her and proud of the work she is doing,” said Lisa.  “I support her 150% with everything she does… I have never loved anyone like I love her… For me (her HIV status) didn’t make a difference.  I love her regardless.”

 

Lisa and Maria, Living in a sero-discordant relationship: Part 2

“This is, for me, my first real relationship.  I’ve never been in love with anyone before, Maria is my first love.”

In my conversation with Lisa, she described the relationship she and Maria have built together.  “We are always together.  I love being with her, spending every second with her.” 

Finding this love helped Lisa realize what love really means in living both with, and for, someone.  She admitted to me that in her previous relationships, she was more involved in herself and didn’t really put the effort and energy into the women she dated.  Meeting Maria changed all of that.

When Maria decided to become an outspoken advocate for eliminating the stereotypes surrounding HIV, Lisa jumped on board and has worked with her behind the scenes acting as her manager of sorts.  She has been helping to get Maria’s message out both to those living with HIV and those looking for a better understanding of the disease.

“People have to respect the virus.  They have to understand it.  They have to get tested.  They have to respect it.”

The message they send is one of hope rooted in reality.  “People think they can just take a pill and they’ll be ok but that’s not always true.  They have to take care of themselves, they have to get care.  They need to find a good doctor and one they like.  The doctor relationship is like a marriage.  When you’re ready, there is hope.”

 

Lisa and Maria: Living in a sero-discordant relationship: Part 1

“Honestly, I’m ashamed to say this but, in my past, in my 20’s or so, I had a very good friend of mine… and she started dating this other girl and this other girl was HIV+. In my mind I said to myself, ‘Why would she put herself into that situation? Why would she date someone like that?’ Today, I regret saying those words because if I only knew then what I know now, that was just my ignorance speaking back then.”

Honestly, when I set out to interview Lisa Laing, whose partner of 4 years is quickly becoming an international voice in the fight against HIV and AIDS stigmas, I did not expect to hear something like this from her nor did I expect such a sense of candidness and openness.  This fight needs more people like her.

Before I get into her story, I have to interject my own struggles with HIV and acceptance.   I have been guilty in my time of asking what I thought were too many questions, of asking what I thought were the wrong questions and of being unsure whether what I was saying was offensive.  As someone who does not HIV, I have debated within myself whether or not I would, or could, date someone who is HIV+.  The surprise to me was when that moment presented itself.  I never hesitated.  But he did.

It was a relationship that was not meant to be and a good friendship that was.  However there has always been a piece inside of me that has regretted that internal struggle I had years before: could I date someone with HIV?  Today, knowing what I now know, I can’t believe that was a question.  I identify with Lisa in that way because as I have grown, matured and educated myself on the disease, I have come to realize the real risks, the possibilities and have faced the sudden notion that HIV is going to be a part of my life. 

What I have learned in my relationships is that the greatest risk to me when dating someone who is positive is the risk of allowing fear to control my relationship.  The ironic part of the story is that the fear I faced was not my own, but was the fear of someone who is HIV positive. 

Now four years into their relationship, Lisa and her partner Maria are working together to change the stereotypes surrounding HIV.  Both are people who never thought HIV would play an integral part of 
their lives but both are people not afraid to speak out about what it really means to live with HIV.  They have become a small source of inspiration for me and provide hope that we will rightfully end the stigma of HIV and AIDS.

Our first year and fighting HIV stigma abroad!

One year ago today, this whole crazy project started and it started because of a promise I made to someone 13 years ago, today.  I took a step, not knowing what path would be before me.  It was a leap of faith.  With guidance, love, patience and a bevy of wonderful people along the way, we have made it through our first year.

I am amazed and humbled at how far we have come and I am reminded every day of how far we still have to go before we can eliminate the stigmas and stereotypes associated with HIV and AIDS.

We have worked with some incredible organizations, met so many inspiring people, heard a lot of stories and took small steps in confronting HIV stigma.

Our first fundraiser and community event was an unbelievable successful raising money for our cause and two other local AIDS service organizations.  We were lucky enough to have pieces from Jae Hanson’s Survivors Exhibit as well as several other local artists.

We have made so many friends and found open doors everywhere we have turned.  And now, one year to the day, we have some of our biggest news yet to share with our friends out there.

We are partnering with Laced Banana, a non-profit organization based in Manchester, UK, to bring the first stories of The arcHIVe project to the stage.  Our scene of 4-5 stories interwoven will debut on World AIDS Day, December 1^st.  We will continue to work with them to develop an age-appropriate workshop that can be brought to schools to educate youth on the realities of HIV and AIDS that can be implemented in the United Kingdom as well as the United States.

From the get go, we have said that education and art are central to our mission and that we believe art has an incredible ability to reach, educate and inspire dialog and action.  We are very excited to announce, on our one year anniversary, that The arcHIVe project is taking a huge step forward in utilizing this important medium to change the face of HIV throughout the world.

Thank you to all of those who have lent their time, their support and their voice to this project.  You are not only helping to educate others and bring more art into this world, you are helping me keep that promise I made 13 years ago.  That, on a more personal note, means everything to me.

Only wonderful things lie ahead and we are thrilled to have you along on our journey.

 

San Diego AIDS Walk 2011

The arcHIVe project took place in our first AIDS Walk this past weekend and we had an amazing turn out!  We managed to raise over $4200 for HIV/AIDS services in San Diego!  With 38 walkers on our team, we managed one of the largest teams from San Diego's AIDS service organizations and in the top 5 fundraisers for all non-profits and healthcare organizations.

I am so proud of our team and the time and effort that all of our walkers put into raising money for San Diego's ASOs.  We'll post some video and pictures from the walk soon and we've got some more stories coming your way!

Maria: HIV is not a death sentence but it is a life sentence

I am astounded, every day, by the people I meet, the stories I hear and the willingness of people to share some of the most intimate and personal moments of their life.  This is another of those stories.  

Maria is a woman living with HIV. She is a person who sees the stigmas surrounding and the miseducation of HIV/AIDS in this country and is working to become a voice in the movement to bring to life the realities of being HIV positive.

This is Maria's story.

 

Next video: Eric

Eric, diagnosed with #HIV in 2000, shares his story of family, faith and personal growth.